I received an email the other day -- one of those mass email 'newsletters' that I can hardly recall signing up for, if indeed I did, but can't be bothered to ditch. It's sometimes mildly interesting. Which is not a compliment I'd want thrown at my writing were I the copywriter of said newsletter, but there you go.
Yesterday, I think that copywriter was having a bad day. I can just see him (or her -- it's probably a her) thinking, "How the heck am I going to write something interesting that meets these" - waves piece of paper - "criteria?"
There was probably a meeting, in which people said things like:
- "Our demographic is showing a 3% rise in response to Spanish recipes and a 11% gain in interest-response rates to Vietnamese food", or;
- "The post-holiday season health focus is still showing strong figures (ho ho) this week, but we anticipate a tailing off after Valentine's day."
So, what we get is this:
You can win friends with salad!
Why, thank you for telling me that! Are you sure you live on the same planet as me?
Oh! Wait a minute - what's this I see?
Every recipe you are presenting includes large lumps of meat, bacon, or crackling. Vietnamese beef salad sounds nice (I must be one of those 11%), and so does the pumpkin, feta and bacon. Something healthy? How about a nice salad: Warm salad of pork sausages, potatoes and bacon with mustard vinaigrette? It looks nice. And perhaps you're right - if this is salad, perhaps you can win a friend or two.
- Failing that, the dog will always love you.
Friends, I bring you 'salad':
(click image to see a larger view) Isn't it just a marvel of copywriting?
Pass the chocolate buttons.
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